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Friday, 20 May 2011

5 Effective Ways Rebuild A Relationship With A Mate

It’s only natural that, as relationships progress, we start to take each other for granted. You may feel resentful that your wife or girlfriend doesn’t pay you compliments the way she used to, and has taken to nagging you about every little thing, or just ignoring you most of the time. So if the situation changes – you suddenly notice that she’s buying you gifts, easing up on the nagging and giving you a lot more of that “alone time” you’ve been craving, your first instinct may be relief. In reality, however, a sudden, drastic change in your partner’s behavior – even seemingly positive changes – may be a red flag that she’s cheating on you.

Infidelity can plague even seemingly happy relationships, so if you’re getting signals that your spouse may be cheating, you should pay attention. It may turn out that your partner is as faithful as the sun, but if you get that sneaking feeling that things are almost too perfect, it's natural to be curious. If there’s been a noticeable shift in the dynamics of your relationship – if, say, she spends less time with you, and asks you for less advice than she used to – it may be that she’s going to someone else to have those needs met. 

If, after doing a little careful detective work, you discover that she’s cheating on you, don’t immediately fly off the handle. It may be tempting to jump ship and give up on the relationship, that’s not a solution to the problem. It doesn’t change the fact that you love this woman and, perhaps, her infidelity is a symptom of problems in the relationship to which you contributed. 
If you take time to examine why she strayed, you may find that you aren't the only victim in the relationship. Does she have physical emotional needs that you’ve been unable to meet? Has she tried to discuss her feelings with you, but you failed to consider her feelings? If so, it shouldn’t be entirely surprising that she found comfort with another. If there have been unresolved problems in your relationship that encouraged her to be unfaithful, you should seriously consider working with her to fix them, fixing them, rather than walking out on her in a fit of anger and causing even more pain to you both.

Here are five effective ways to deal with a cheating mate and help rebuild the relationship: 

1. Approach with caution
Step carefully when first raising the issue of your partner’s infidelity. Don’t charge in, full of righteous indignation, throwing around accusations. Your wife or girlfriend will only become defensive, and you may destroy any opportunity to rebuild the relationship later down the road. Instead, ask questions like “I've noticed you've been distant lately – why is this?” If you seem concerned and interested rather than angry, she’ll be more likely to open up to you.

2. Talk it out

Once you’ve opened the lines of communication, honesty is of the utmost importance. Carefully examine all aspects of your relationship. Was your cheating mate simply foolish, or was her mistake the result of serious problems in your relationship? Perhaps you devoted too much of your attention to work and neglected your relationship. Honest communication will be tough and time-consuming, but it’s the only way to identify the problems between you. Instead of making her feel guilty, consider your own faults first. Is there anything you did to prompt her behavior? If you and your companion can discuss the flaws of your relationship, you have a good chance at correcting them. Small changes can go a long way!  

3. Problem solve                                                                  
Actions speak louder than words. It's one thing to have a long conversation about your troubled relationship, but if you're not ready to solve the problems, there’s no hope of fixing what’s wrong. If she says you didn't seem emotionally available, believe her. Make a special effort to tune into her more from now on. If she says you simply weren't around enough to satisfy her needs, then designate one day a week as a “date night” and go out to dinner or stay in with a movie and some popcorn, just the two of you. If you truly respond to her complaints and requests, it’s unlikely that she’ll feel the need to cheat again.

4. Forgive and forget – if you can

This is probably the most difficult step to rebuilding your relationship. You may be able to say that you understand why your partner cheated, but unless you can truly let go of her past your relationship is doomed. It's possible the relationship isn’t salvageable – is she simply a woman who can’t be trusted? If so, if you “forgive and forget” and it happens again, you feel like a fool. If, after talking out you problems, it turns out that you gave her no reason to cheat, it may be that her own personal issues led her to be unfaithful.
If that’s the case, then nothing you do or say will keep her in your arms and it's best to move on. But if you feel your relationship still has potential and you’re willing to do what I takes to make it work, then you’ll need to devote all of your compassion and understanding to empathizing with your partner or else there’ll always be a wall between the two of you. If you and your wife have children this is even more important, because it’s the only hope you have of saving your marriage. 

5. Keep communication open
Now that you've had a good, long talk about why she cheated and discussed ways to solve the problems of your relationship, what can you do to keep your partnership intact? The answer’s simple – keep talking. 

If new problems, even small dissatisfactions, arise then speak up! And don’t fall victim to “what’s good for the goose is good for the gander” thinking – running away from the relationship and into the arms of somebody new is not a solution. If you’re sorely tempted to be unfaithful yourself strictly out of pain or revenge, talk to your partner about it. You may be able to negotiate changes that will help the two of you rebuild your relationship, or you may find you want to seek counseling. Of course, you may end up choosing to separate – but any of these alternatives are better than infidelity. 

If your worst fears are confirmed and she’s cheating, don’t feel sorry for yourself and act like a victim. Relationships take two people to succeed or fail – it’s very likely that you made your share of mistakes, too. Nobody’s perfect. Weigh the potential of your relationship and decide if it’s worth the work involved in saving it. If so, keep these five steps in mind, and get to work. You may find that the two of you become closer than ever before as a result. 

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The Pitfalls To Avoid To Stop That Heartache Forever!

Today, I'm going to spell out to you the factors that are going to determine whether your relationship is heading for a failure right from the beginning! So take note of all these.

1. You think you can change your partner into someone you desire to be just because you love him/her.

2. You think that what you like is what you partner like! Wrong!

3. Love and Relationship is forever. As long as I love my partner, as long as I sacrifice my time, energy and money for him/her, he or she will always be there for me! WRONG!

4. My partner should always be there for me, even if I'm down to the lowest point of my life, because I have done so much for him/her. My friend, you have to WAKE UP!

Strategies you can adopt to ensure a long lasting and healthy relationship:

1. Know the truth and the truth can set you free! You cannot change another human being. You can only change yourself to cope with all the changes in the world around you. Seriously ask yourself: Do you want your partner to be in his/her AUTHENTIC SELF, or do you wish him/her to be someone else he/she doesn't want to be??

2. What you like is NOT what your partner likes. Have you often noticed that most girls are attracted towards "naughty" guys? It's true. Many women like to be around men who are fun-loving, have a sense of humor, able to stimulate her inner secret desires, or even arose her curiosity. So, don't try to be exactly like your woman. While both of you can share something similar, don't force yourself to like what your woman likes. Dare to be different; and dare to be yourself. Always remember that please people and you achieve nothing, but please your real self and you start a miracle. Be your woman's miracle by being your-self starting from today. 

3. Love and Relationship is a mutual filling of needs. There will be times when I have mood changes and that I don't need you to be around, to cling to me. Accept this truth. Love is an exchange of energies between 2 human beings.

4. Here's the secret. Naturally, we all gravitate towards a person who has a higher vibrational energy than us. Someone who is naggy, moody, agressive, holding selfish or bad intentions will NOT attract us! Someone who is cheery, happy, healthy, and possesing a strong, vibrant, and healthy self-image WILL attract us!

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Thursday, 19 May 2011

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The Magic Word

Some of my readers have told me that at times they really cannot stand the behaviors of their partners. In their reality, their partners is the one at wrong. Thus, it is inevitable that they get angry; they shout, they yell, they say things which hurt, they do things which they regret doing later, and they think it's all due to their partner’s faults.

I'm not going to argue with you here that your partner could be right. Yes, his/her behaviors or way of handling things might be unacceptable and undesirable at times.

If your goal is to have a healthy and long lasting relationship with your partner. Know this truth. Love and Anger are two sides of the same coin, even though they may seem poles apart. Love is the positive deep feelings you have for your partner; while anger is the negative expression of the very same feeling.

Don't run away from conflicts and anger. Face them. Make them your friends instead of foes.

But how do you deal with anger when it's becoming overwhelming?

1. Understand the conflict and disagreements you have with your partner.

Stop fighting each other. You have the power to make THAT choice. Team up against the problem that is creating the conflict. Focus on problem solving instead.

2. Know that your partner might be in a different reality than you.

If he is in one reality; and you are in another reality, it is difficult to come to a complete agreement with things. Let the problems rest. Watch out for signs which you'll intuitively know that will be the best time and day to have a good talk with your partner. When both of you are in a receptive mood, you can talk!

3. If you do not understand you situation, if you do not understand your partner; but your goal is to keep the relationship. Practice and remember this magic word - Forgiveness. It may not be easy, but do it anyway. If it's not for your sake, do it for your relationship's sake.